Monday, September 1, 2014

That's What Faith Can Do

It seems like such a very, very long time since my heart has been right with God. I lost my dad last September, and I tried the good old adage "fake it til ya make it" but through it all, faked smiles, faked laughs, genuine tears and even some genuine good moments, I was angry. At God. At Alzheimer's. At God for saddling both my parents with Alzheimer's. My mom, rest her soul as well, had been declining slowly for years, and I mean over a decade, closer to 15 years actually, when she finally succumbed so I had time to steel myself for it, and get used to it. My dad went extremely fast. I NEVER "accepted" that the strongest man I knew, who was the 'strong, silent type' most all of my life, was not the same man who raised me, taught me to drive, taught me to weld, to cut pipe, to fix electric issues, plumbing problems, and dang near everything else in my life, couldn't remember who I was, who my children were, most of any given day, then most every day of any week, then at all...I was SO mad, I can admit that now, and slowly I turned my back on God, the God I felt stole my dad from me. I told everyone, "Well, at least he and mom are reunited now." But inside? I felt numb, mostly, with flashes of intense grief and a constant, simmering rage. I completely turned away from my faith, from my Heavenly Father, through my small inward vision, I took the focus off the larger thing that mattered most...through ALL that, I still had, and still HAVE, my Heavenly Father! He's taught me everything, too, because I couldn't have learned it without Him giving me the earthly parents He did. This song, which I heard while station surfing on the radio a couple of weeks ago, froze me. It felt like someone ripped the earplugs out of my ears, and the eyes of my soul opened, and my heart stopped for a moment, and I completely and totally GOT IT. My parents were gone, yes, but HE didn't "take them" away from me. He took them out of pain, and suffering, and misery, into a transformed existence with Him. Wow. Kinda got a bit jealous at that.

I have a new relationship with God today, with my Savior, Jesus, with my family and friends. My co-workers, too. I've noticed the return of my faith has made me excited to greet each day, able to handle the small training tips I felt I didn't need for so long. Able to be proud of my younger co-workers who are above me in status rather than resenting "having" to take instruction and 'orders' from "kids" I rejoice in the strong, smart, funny, dedicated young people I work with each day, and pray for them every chance I get.

With that shared, I am thrilled to be on fire for God. To be infused with creativity and insight for this blog again. To feel whole, and loved, and part of God's family above all!

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